Time Off

I've officially been off from work for over a month now. Originally I thought I would be completely bored with every moment of being at home. I love to be busy and I really like my job. What can I say? I think I found something that I'm good at, I enjoy the people I work with and it pays me well.

Anyway, I am completely surprised how busy I've been keeping myself! Most of the weeks leading up to now I've had 2 days where I feel like a rockstar, and then 3 days of sleeping. I always felt bad at work when I had to leave to take care of Mr Tumor so I never felt like I could leave for other doctor/dentist appointments. So I am finally getting caught up on all of those appointments. One doctor visit, two dentist visits (cavity is finally gone) and a GI procedure. I'm hoping to start physical therapy before I go back to work too.

I know people at work are anxious for me to come back. I feel the same way but I have to say that the time off has been used in ways that I needed. Lots of resting, lots of catching up and lots of getting better. I really want to go back but I'm afraid. I'm afraid that when I do go back that they will expect 100%. I will still go to the hospital 3x a month which will result in me being out of the office 5-6 days a month. Let's see, if a normal person works 20 days a month I'll be gone 30% of the time. While I know they will be excited to get 70% of me back, 70% isn't 100%.

Do you remember that book "If you give a mouse a cookie"? I feel like work acts like the mouse. You give a little, they ask for more.... and more. That's why I had to take leave in the first place. I only have so much to give and most of what I have, I'm giving to myself to get better. So I can't help but wonder if going back is the right decision. It's work and when they ask for more, I always say yes. It's my job and I want to be the best. I don't accept anything else from myself because it's who I was raised to be. So, the outstanding question is: do I go back and accept that I'm not going to be giving them my all, or do I wait it out until I'm finished and give them 100%?