Where do we go from here

So my rant yesterday was a little violent and destructive. The day of my MRI always sucks. It's about 4 days of me stressing out. This time was no different. We went this morning for the results and I'm still reeling from the news. To be expected. To make the post a little better and less dreary, here's a picture of me smiling from the weekend with my newest nephew. I would post his whole cute face, but I'm not a huge believe in posting pictures of babies to the net.

Today was not my best news day. There's a silver lining to the bad news but overall, I really hate this tumor. REALLY REALLY hate that this is still going on. The tumor is shrinking in two places which is good. The shoulder and elbow are getting sizable smaller. That is the best news and if it had been the only news I would be celebrating. If the shoulder tumor part grows into my chest cavity, it become a threat to my life. So it shrinking means that I'm safe from those fears for awhile.

The bad news, "ground zero" where the tumor started is growing. I have the skinniest arms and I don't see how there is anywhere for the tumor to grow. Seriously, look at this picture of my left arm. Anyway, it doubled in size in my bicep. There's also a very small part under my arm that is looking "brighter". The second spot isn't anything we are really talking about yet.

If the tumor is growing, it's time to stop the current drugs and to change course. That means we have to pick a new plan. Chemo, surgery, radiation, etc. We don't know. There aren't that many options out there for me that I haven't tried.

I'm so tired of all of this. At some point I have to beat the odds and win. At some point things are going to get better for me.