Still Sick?

Well, I'm officially 6 days into my sickness. Last night I got yet another fever. Ok, it was a low-grade fever but I was hoping I was getting over this. I emailed my doctor. I really don't know why he gave out his email address, but I use it when I don't want to call the nurses. Honestly the nurses/doctors on call have a knee-jerk reaction to a fever. They just ask you to come in. It's not always necessary but they want to be covered.

I email doctor saying I'm not feeling better yet and I had a low grade fever last night. He says "hang in there" and then that the flu is going around the hospital. Why is it that the place you go to get better, also is the center for all the diseases? I just need to stick it out. If I had a normal immune system, I wouldn't be sick this long. This makes me hate my treatment and hate myself a little bit.

Hating yourself isn't a good thing and it's certainly not productive. I hate that since I missed this week of treatment, I have to make up a treatment in May. I cried a little because in my head I promised myself I would be done by May 4th -- come hell or high water. I broke my promise to myself and it makes me mad. I don't have anything to be mad at except my body for not fighting harder. 

I miss the busy, crazy days of my old life. I hate staying home, watching tv, reading and eating "get better" food. Know why? Because that's what I do/eat after treatment. I lay around lifeless until my body decides that it's good and ready to move on with life. I hate soup, crackers, mac & cheese, pretzels, grilled cheese and toast.

I WANT TO BE BETTER DAMN IT.

Now back to watching tv, reading and eating "get better" food.