Considering the Nevavar side-effects are minimal, I don't spend a lot of time thinking about being on medication. It's part of my daily routine. We're getting close to my 3-month check up and I'm scared but cautiously optimistic.
Why scared? The drugs have minimal side effects. I want and need a scan that says "the drugs are working". I'm scared to find out what I don't know. I do know the spot that was too sensitive to touch, is now less sensitive. However, the pain isn't all gone. I think about what might happen if it's not working. I try not to dwell on it but I still worry about losing my arm. I worry about having to switch to another drug. I worry about <insert anything worth living for here>. I just worry. After so many failed attempts, sometimes the depressing thoughts just clouds my mind.
Why cautiously optimistic? I have so many reasons to get my hopes up. On the DTRF Facebook page, I've found half a dozen people who are on Nexavar and are seeing shrinkage or no growth. My doctor at the hospital has 2 other patients on Nexavar who are seeing shrinkage. My doctor seems to think (by touch) that the tumor is getting softer. Most importantly, I think the tumor is getting softer to touch. These things make me excited. Plus the spot that was too sensitive to touch, is getting better.
My MRI is in one week. I'm 60/40 on if the drugs are working. 60 for it and 40 against it. I'm afraid to get my hopes too high. You should get your hopes up for me. Hope and pray that this is the end of the tumor for me. Pray that God is listening.
"Abba, Father, all things are possible for You. Take this cup way from Me; nevertheless, not what I will, but what You will."
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